After watching all six seasons of glee, my connection to different characters has changed. When the show started, I was 22 and living in LA, trying to make my film dreams come true. At that point, I related a little bit to many of the main characters: I wasn’t as bossy as Rachel, as shy as Kurt, as confident as Mercedes, as insecure as Tina, or as smooth as Artie; but I had a dream, I was chasing that dream, and was a bit of an outsider.
Living in LA, I wasn’t as successful as Rachel was in New York, but I wasn’t as dumb either. I worked my butt off, found minor success working in the television industry (enough to make me a the inside scoop for my mom when watching American Idol), but my dream job didn’t just land in my lap.
Then I grew up a little, and that dream changed. I moved back from LA and got my teaching degree, and I started to see a little more Will Schuester in my life. I wanted to impact the lives of students, to teach and mentor them, while clinging to my old dreams a bit. I was afraid of letting go.
Now, just days past the end of the show, and with knowledge of where the characters are at the age of 25, I now most closely resemble Sam. I’m 27 and I teach the high school journalism program at the very high school I graduated from. I teach next to my former broadcasting teacher and every once in awhile facebook stalk my old LA friends. But like Sam, I did try to live my dream. Sam went to NY to become a model, and he gave a good go at it before realizing it wasn’t for him, and neither was NY. I moved to LA and worked in TV for two years before realizing I wasn’t happy and it wasn’t for me either. I’m no Rachel Berry. I gave up my big dream for smaller ones. For different ones. Not everyone is destined to make it big.
But I don’t want to be Sam. I don’t want to be stuck teaching at the same high school I went to for years and years. I love it now, but the world calls me. But I don’t want to be Rachel or Mercedes or Kurt or Blaine or Artie or Tina or Mr Schu either. Because I don’t want fame and fortune and all my dreams to come true so easily and so young. I don’t want to be the principal. I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve done, of the disappointment and the letdowns, but I’m not finished yet. And Sam is just another stopping point on my journey.
I want to be me.